Don't mean to pitch about it...

“It was the worst of times. It was the best of times. It was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness… it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us”

Charles Dickens wrote this opening paragraph for his book “A Tale of Two Cities” referring to the turmoil in London and Paris during the French Revolution but for anyone working in an advertising agency, this paragraph aptly describes the mood of our workplace during an agency pitch.

You see, a pitch brief brings with it a complex tapestry of emotions. Hope and fear. Dread and excitement. Liberation and restraint. Highs and lows. For me, these dichotomous emotions are especially fresh right now because we are in the end stages of a massive pitch which is due next week.

To illustrate the drama that we live through when a pitch brief comes, I am going to share some of my Facebook status updates and internal emails over the last month.

August 4^th 2015

From: Planning Dept.

To: @creativeall, Account Director

Subject: XXXX PITCH!

Guys,

We have received a pitch brief for XXXX brand.  The planning team is working on a basic strategic understanding and will share the brief and way forward with you in 3 days time. Please do not come and harass us before this. I know you all are excited and so are we. But let us work it out.

August 4^th 2015 

From: Account Director

To: Planning Dept.

Subject: RE:XXXX PITCH!

Dear Planning Department,

Thanks for the email. We have set up a time later today for you to take us through the strategic framework. How does 4PM sound?

Cheers!

 August 4^th 2015

From: Planning Dept

To: Account Director

Subject: RE:RE:XXXX PITCH!

Are you nuts? We asked for 3 days!

Aug 4^th 2015.

From: Account Director

To: Planning Dept.

Subject: RE:RE:RE:XXXX PITCH!

You owe me from the time I covered that focus group for you so you could go see “Bhajrangi Bhaijan.” The Creatives are ready to get started.

Pleeeeasse?

August  6^th 2015

4PM

Facebook Status: I’m fairly certain Mick Jagger wrote “Satisfaction” about the day I’m currently having. Best brainstorm ever!”

Aug  6^th 2015

9:30PM

Facebook Status: Still brainstorming. Hour 8. At least my lipstick is bringing out the red in my eyes.

August 9^th 2015

11 AM

From: Planning Department

To: @agencyall

Subject: Rotting Donuts on my desk

MY DESK HAS DONUTS LEFT ON THEM FROM LAST NIGHT AND I AM NOW THE NEWLY APPOINTED “LORD OF THE FLIES!” They are following me everywhere I go!

Aug 9^th 2015

11:01 AM

From: Account Director

To: Planning Dept

Subject: RE: Rotting Donuts on my desk

Want me to pull out the CCTV footage from last night? I bet it was (insert Junior Creative’s Name).

Aug 9^th 2015

11:02 AM

From: Planning Dept

To: Account Director

Subject: RE:RE: Rotting Donuts on my desk

Simmer down Hitler. It was just donuts not a Soviet threat. But since you now owe me one, can I get one of those electric fly swatter bats?

Aug 15^th

5:46PM

FB Status: Out and about interviewing Target Audience at Dolmen Mall. Was called “Aunty” at least 147 times by aforementioned TG and have perfected my frozen “this does not bother me” smile. Am I an AUNTY!?

This status is brought to you by the pint of Haagen Dazs I am currently drowning my sorrows in to.

Aug 16^th:

9:30 AM

FB Status: I feel a deep and enduring love for my creative team colleagues. We have worked non-stop, almost every day for the last 2 weeks and the work is looking AMAZING!! Shout out to my peeps!

 Aug 17^th

10AM:

From: Account Director

To: @planningall @creativeall

Subject: Concerns. Attention Needed.

Dear Planning and Creative,

I just saw the last round of KV’s and I think the logo is too small. Can we somehow change the copy to make the call to action first? Also please turn in your receipts for dinner ordered last week? And no, I cannot have “a carton of cigarettes” expensed!

Please revert on the same.  Thank you kindly.

Aug 17^th

1PM

From: Account Director

To: @planningall @creativeall

Subject: Very disappointed.

Whoever thought it was a nice idea to put David Hasslehoff’s half nude body as my screensaver right before my client presentation, I just want to reiterate that this is a professional atmosphere and such actions are strictly unprofessional. I am pulling out the CCTV footage to pinpoint the culprit.

Aug 17^th

2:15PM

From: Account Director

To: @planningall @creativeall

Subject: WHO TOOK MY CHAIR?

Aug 18^th:

11AM

From: COO

To: @planningall, @creativeall

Subject: Conference Room. Now!

Teams,

We have had an informal run through and I feel like we need to push ourselves harder! The work is good but not up to the standard of excellence that this agency is accustomed to delivering. Please gather for formal feedback in the conference room at 11:30AM.

Aug 18^th

12:14PM

Facebook Status: Here we go again! Look out ‘square one’ because we’re coming back to you!

Aug 19th:

4AM

Facebook Status: WORK ALLNIGHTER 2--- Driving away this morning I felt pangs of panic for my team members left at work. I could not shake the feeling that I should remember what they were wearing in case I need to describe them in detail to someone later on. Should I learn their heights?

Aug 20th

3:01 AM

Facebook Status: WORK ALLNIGHTER 3-- Still at work. I nearly tripped over in the hallway. A crease in the carpet. I know the work of a child ghost when I see it. Lack of sleep is a potent drug.

Aug 21^st

2:15PM

From: Account Director

To: @planningall @creativeall

Subject: Run Through

All,

The run through was EXCEPTIONAL! COO loved all the work. Fabulous work guys. Almost at the finish line.

PS. I couldn’t help put notice that the logo wasn’t made bigger in the KV’s. And the call to action wasn’t brought out first in the copy. Can you please revert on the same? Thank you kindly.

August 27^th

3PM

FB Status Update: Has a spare minute. Finally! Time to write that blog…